No More Silent Treatment

by Jarrod

Photo credit julius

Have you ever done it?

Has someone upset you because they didn’t follow your unspoken rules and then you responded by going silent.

How did it work out for you?

Chances are either they didn’t notice or if they cared enough they saw you were upset and then because you wouldn’t talk about it they also got upset.

Isin’t it so.

What did you think would happen that would make the situation better by staying silent?

When someone cares about you they want to make you feel better about yourself and your life and are generally wanting to fix an issue where they can. However whenever you give someone the silent treatment the chance of them being able to actually make any changes is near to zero.

When you hold onto your pain you are only going to increase it in those who would try to relieve you from it.

We are not mind readers. Telling someone that they should know exactly what they did wrong to you is not going to help them change the situation any time soon.

In any of our relationships we all possess a bunch of rules that are expectations around how other people should act in any particular situation. The thing that a lot of people don’t realise is that not everyone shares the same rules!

For some people it is inappropriate to eat a large amount of food when being invited to a dinner whereas for other people is insulting not to finish every last mouthful and state how much you enjoyed the meal. Everyone has been brought up and conditioned in different ways throughout their life and such conditioning continues everyday.

Until you tell someone what your rules are then they cannot possibly live up to them. How many relationships have been destroyed because one party believed the other didn’t do something right and yet they never told them how they were supposed to do it.

Combining unspoken rules with the silent treatment is a formula to destroy any relationship.

Take it easy on yourself, give up some of your restrictive rules. Take it easy on your relationships by discussing how you would like to live your lives with others.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Walter December 8, 2010 at 8:44 pm

You really hit me on this Jarrod. Perhaps I fear confrontation so I prefer to be silent. But I will take your advice on this. :-)


Jarrod December 9, 2010 at 9:32 pm

@Walter: Great to hear from you.

The amount that we are willing to embrace uncertainty and be honest is the amount we gain in the potential to grow. It only takes one side to change a relationship. :)

Andrea DeBell - britetalk December 14, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Hi Jarrod! Communication is vital in relationships, be it with friends, family, or couples. When we don’t communicate what we’re feeling we end up harboring resentments and no good can come from that. When we share our feelings and thoughts in a compassionate manner, we invite others in.
Thanks for the reminder. Loving blessings!


Jarrod December 14, 2010 at 8:09 pm

@Andrea: Right on. The more we share of our real selves and what is important to us we enable both others and ourselves to grow, learn and eventually enjoy.

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